Sunday, November 30, 2008
So Our Town is over....
I can't say I'm disappointed, I can't say anything in reflection on it...Perhaps because I was relatively detached and apathetic about it, (although the accent/line change was really fun) but mostly because I'm too overwhelmingly excited about Charlie Brown!
I know getting in is a longshot, I'm not the most talented singer in the theatre clique, that is for sure.
But Lucy, the part I'm obsessing over, doesn't require a melifluous voice and amazing range, just alot of yelping/belting/being obnoxious
And that is a part I play well
Lucy was always my favorite character...mostly because I looked like her when I was little, but also because she was bratty and I found that wildly amusing, being the somewhat mean-spirited 5 year old I was.
Mary Fran told me that it was a rather difficult part and if I get cast I'll probably be Linus, but I don't know. I just appreciate hearing that so I don't get my hopes up and immediately shot down like last time, but that's nearly inevitable so...who knows
Its times of self-doubt and angst like this in which I wonder if I'm cut out for this...for high school
for college
for life...
The last one conjures a mental resounding no, coincidentally in the voices of my parents
I guess that has been answered for me
but for now, this is what I love, I just wish I were better for it, a better singer, dancer, etc.
I just don't have the time and monetary resource to improve those
More on that, nerves, auditions, and gov. school later...
Measuring life in love at.10:57 AM
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I'm an attention whore.....how do I know?
Today while I was leaving the movie theatre during Changeling to go get more diet coke, I slipped down the stairs in the center isle, fell flat on my face ad my skirt flew up a bit. This resulted in a CLUNK as my body mass collided with the nasty theatre floor and a collective gasp of the100 something people that witnessed my fantastic feat of agility. But I smiled, immediately as people murmured, my friends chuckled, and the nearest viewers asked if I was alright. I amused/concerned/impacted people today. It was a performance, of sorts. I took part in action. People watched. I loved it.
& my butt probably looked cute...
Changeling...goooood movie. One of those moments when I wish I were a screen actor
if only....
so, I have a ridiculous dress rehearsal tomorrow
bound to be unpleasant
the freshmen (several are conservative christian homophobic, xenophobic mildly racist republicans...yippee) cattily whining about an extra ounce they apparently gained or bitching about their imaginary workload or gossipping or giggling/yelling backstage
yayyy!
plus acting for 4 minutes out of 3 hours
also fun
this cast just...doesn't work. It isn't small enough to have the potential to be close, and isn't large enough for it to be entirely interesting
Certain people are loud and self obsessed, others quiet and unhappy to be in it, some obsessed with their parts and assuming even around them is as well
and all of that doesn't mesh well
And it isn't as if there are some inside jokes surrounding th plot
everyone is disinterested in all of it
and I absolutely genuinely sucked during last rehearsal
How does one suck for 4 minutes and an easy, trivial, crappy part? Usually one doesn't. But I, of course, do.
At least I'm aware of my suckage?....I'm not sure if its good or bad, to be hyperaware and paranoid or naive and completely in the dark
Part of the reason I suck, just in general, is that I overthink things like acting, analyzing evry inflection and blink, resulting in an unnatural, scripted, completely superficial and inorganic performance. disgusting. I'm far too obsessed with my own performance...(though aren't most actors?) I guess Chaucer was right....pride will bring immediate downfall. joy....
Measuring life in love at.9:09 PM
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Only 3 more....
Only 3 St. Mary's productions (Pontentially/probably only 2....Charlie Brown is HARD.)
Not really how I envisioned that 4th to last (3rd to last?) would be...
I don't know why exactly- perhaps because I am a lifer, generally nostalgic or strangely idealistic despite my cynical tendencies, I always had this lovely little vision of my final productions at SMS. I know, whatever Ann, stop being melodramatic, You have a year and a half left.....
but if you're measuring time in plays (as opposed to daylights, sunsets, midnights and cups of coffee, inches, miles, laughter and strife) that isn't very long at all....If plays corresponded to age, I'd be well over the hill, past a major midlife crisis....
Someday I'll think back to this play and laugh...."Remember that time when I was sooo devastated over a part in my Junior play and Kallen and I were basically the new Taylor and Amanda? Funny stuff...."
but not so much now....I love acting too much to only participate 4 minutes out of a 1 1/2 hour show. But passion never really directly translates into talent, and deservance doesn't really have much to do with anything
and neither does seniority.. (?) Contrary to the past theatre hierarchy system....more on that theory later....I don't really know....
I guess its good to prepare us for the real world....rejection and the unadulterated truth...you're driven, talented, and fit the part, or not. You're it, or not.
These musings don't really represent how I think...I'm so overtired
**(I overuse ellipse (.......) when I'm drained and out of it.....they signify my inability to form complete coherent independent thoughts.....I'm much more prone to endless strings of clauses and ideas....like this....)**
More later? too tired to say anything even semi cohesive...
Measuring life in love at.9:08 PM
Ann
Loves:Theatre(shocking), Armenia, Nutella, Rain, Musicals, World Music, Spanish, Origami, Tolerance, Scrubs, Reading, Tech, Poetry, Peace, Screenwriting, Travel, Wedding Cakes, Art Class, Shakespeare, Contemporary Issues.
Loathes: Algebra, High School Musical, Athletics, Blind Patriotic Idiocy, Chapel, Turkey, Azerbaijan, Dress code.
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