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Thursday, October 15, 2009
It was with a heavy heart yet tired resignation that I made th decision to quit the final musical of my St. Mary's career.
...and the first sentence of 12th grade drama blog is already appropriately melodramatic, fitting in with my theme, although ironically this entry is supposed to alleviate the drama drama factor, as you, Jenny (and I guess whoever else reads it? does anyone else read it?) will be reading this blog post two months from now, when all of this is far past us, and none of the waterworks of last year will be a worry.
For the first time in my theatre history, I was completely apathetic about a cast list or my admittedly lackluster audition...I knew my fate for a small role, but didn't think much of it. By now it was expected, and as far as I could tell, no longer important to me. I repeatedly told myself at audiions as I was fighting a headache and fighting the urge to run frantically out of that theatre and not embarass myself that i'd regret not trying out, and tried desperately to tell myself how much I love and appreciate theatre.
Before audtions, I felt dread, but nothing more, not even nerves really.
I guess, there is no eloquent or clearer way to phrase it--I'm done. I hate that, but I am. I truly truly love this art more than any other of my pastimes, but if its not for me, it is not for me. Not because I don't love it, but when everything else is fallng apart, and I feel mediocre in something I enjoy the most, I can no longerhandle it. I'm tired of parents repeatedly asking why I don't have a better role, despite my loyalty to SMS theatre and seniority, I'm tired of slipping grades during tech week when I don't get to shine to compensate for it. All that and college and all other issues, It simply couldn't happen. I need to feel talented and achieve in something, and I only wish I caught on that Ann the actress wasn't to be alot sooner in my sms career, before I grew attached and fell in love
Measuring life in love at.6:21 PM
Ann
Loves:Theatre(shocking), Armenia, Nutella, Rain, Musicals, World Music, Spanish, Origami, Tolerance, Scrubs, Reading, Tech, Poetry, Peace, Screenwriting, Travel, Wedding Cakes, Art Class, Shakespeare, Contemporary Issues.
Loathes: Algebra, High School Musical, Athletics, Blind Patriotic Idiocy, Chapel, Turkey, Azerbaijan, Dress code.
TAGBOARD
talkings.
preferably cbox//shoutmix.
entries;
myself;
shouts;
links;
my past;
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